"The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails."
- William Arthur Ward
Complaints Vs. Self Expression
By Ashly Guerrier
There is a nuance difference between expressing your emotions/feelings and complaining about something.
Expressing your feelings always include a feeling word such as angry, happy, sad, ecstatic, disappointed, loved, undervalued, very appreciated, etc, in the statement you are making.
That is how you know that you are clearly expressing how you feel about something. You literally use a feeling word to describe the feeling you are currently having about something.
Complaining, however, involves expressing dissatisfaction in something. A complaint is when you make a negative statement about the conditions of the situation not being to your liking and it does not involve actually talking about how you feel.
I have provided some examples below on what a complaint may sound like, and what expressing your emotions sound like.
* * *
Complaint: "this is not fun" Expressing Your Emotions: "I feel bored",
Complaint: "my boss sucks" Expressing Your Emotions: "I feel undervalued at work”
Complaint: "my job is terrible" Expressing Your Emotions: "I feel miserable at my job"
Complaint: "my partner sucks" Expressing Your Emotions: “I feel ____ with my partner”
* * *
Pointing out your emotions help you pinpoint what emotional state you are trying to achieve in that moment,
whereas complaining only points out the negatives about the situation and does not focus on what is actually mattering the most to you in that situation which is your emotional state of being.
By focusing on your emotional state of being, you'll be quicker to find solutions on how to change your emotional state of being to a more desirable one.
Reference:
Jamail, S. (2022, December 30). You may not like what I have to say. Mind & Body Complete. https://mindbodycomplete.com/you-may-not-like-this/